Beginning Again

It’s amazing how long it takes to begin doing things that have been stirring in us for years – even a lifetime, isn’t it? And sometimes the things that are deeper inside of us seem to take longer to come out. Almost like something within us is scared of really seeing our dreams come true – of being called out of our safe place to shine rather than hide.


Maybe I’m speaking to the choir, but that’s how I’ve felt about my writing. I really love to write. Writing a book has always been high on my “dream list.” I’ve always assumed it’s something that would just happen eventually. I’ve even received many a prophetic word about writing. Up until a few years ago, however, I never considered taking smaller steps with writing to reach my bigger goal. There are plenty of excuses – time being the biggest one. But sometimes, the biggest hurdle of all is just starting. Starting is like unlocking the inner gate of the soul and unleashing a monster (a good monster, of course!). It’s giving myself permission to continue, to open new doors, to allow my mind and heart to ponder life a bit more deeply, and to create.


As I’m writing this, it is reminding me of my last year in Lake Tahoe. I was doing quite a bit of house/pet sitting that year. Though I never paid for TV myself, I would often utilize my housesitting jobs to catch the latest food network show. One of my favorite shows was Chopped. Now, you need to know that I’m a foodie. I love to cook and bake…but I don’t think I could ever be on a show like that! I can’t imagine coming up with some of their creations – with such odd ingredients, to boot! They have items in their basket I’ve never HEARD of, let alone have any knowledge on how to use it or cook with it.



I’m not really sure what triggered this idea, but after watching the show for some time, I decided I wanted to challenge myself. I challenged myself to use either a new recipe or a new ingredient every week. Now, the recipe option was an easy one for me…but with a tight budget, I had to give myself a little bit of grace. The new ingredient challenge was a bit tougher. Like I mentioned, I was on a tight budget. It didn’t allow me to spend money frivolously – and waste ingredients and food for the sake of fun. What if I bought something and royally messed up? What if I couldn’t eat what I made? What if I couldn’t afford this challenge? What if I tried something new and failed?



Never in my wildest dreams would I ever have imagined how this challenge would change my life. It was seriously like unleashing this unquenchable monster! Starting with fresh figs (which I had never even seen before in my life!), I began experimenting with new foods – eating them, buying them, cooking with them, using them in new recipes. It consumed me. All I wanted to do was bake and cook. Through this process, I realized the power fear had on my life, even in something as simple as food and ingredients. As soon as I simply gave myself permission to try new things and fail, I was set free and overcome with a desire to make up for years of lost time. It was amazing to me!


Now, I feel like I am finally giving myself permission to write. I actually created this blog almost a year ago exactly. It’s something God has been speaking to me about for a while now. But I just couldn’t get myself to start. And now it’s time. Time to come out of hiding -- to give myself permission to explore a new path in my journey with God. It’s time to shine.


Just a few words on the title of my blog: Becoming Audracious. The past couple of years have been a bit rough for me. I feel as though I went through a process (a not very fun process!) of re-identification – of letting go of the old things that have marked my journey with God and Holy Spirit, and receiving the new. Much of what God has been speaking to me about is new hope – resurrecting and restoring my dreams, my heart, my hope, my life. Beginning again.


That’s where Audracious comes into play. Audracious is a nickname from a friend of mine in Lake Tahoe. I used to get these prophetic words about being audacious, or “Audacious Audra.” So, my friend Don put them together and started calling me Audracious! I feel like it’s who I am at the core of my being. And who I’m becoming – or re-becoming.



One of the songs that has inspired me the most in the last year or so is the song “Oceans” by Hillsong United. The song starts out:

“You call me out upon the waters

The great unknown where feet may fail

And there I find You in the mystery

In oceans deep

My faith will stand”

When I first created this blog title, I was thinking a lot about this song -- except I kept hearing the words “where dreams may fail,” instead of feet. And it put a whole new spin on the song, like God was calling me out on this journey of faith. Sometimes there are disappointments along the way. Even amidst the disappointments, however, I find God (and new dreams) through the journey. And my faith will stand. He is always faithful!



A lot has changed since I originally created this blog. God has already begun the process of resurrecting things in my heart, but that’s the beauty of “becoming” something. It’s a continual process! As soon as I have “become” there’s more becoming to do…


Join me on my journey of (re)Becoming Audracious! I’m sure you’ll find lots of posts about food (I did warn you that I’m a foodie!), travel, adventure, my journey with God, dreaming with God, seeing those dreams fulfilled, stepping out in faith, etc. My prayer is that this blog might inspire you to push aside the fear and allow yourself to start becoming who YOU were created to be!